Customer: Excuse me, can I purchase a lap dance?
Me: Sure! Dances cost [name prices]
Customer: How much extra is it to touch?
Me: I’m sorry, touching isn’t allowed.
Customer: That’s okay, I can slip you something extra.
Me: I don’t think you understand. Touching isn’t an option.
Me: Well, first, it’s illegal in this state. If I was caught allowing you to touch, I would face a fine of a minimum $1,000 and the club would risk being shut down. Furthermore, given the legal penalties, it’s strictly against club policy. So, if I allowed you to touch and someone saw - which they would, as the lap dance room is one big room of all customers having dances, monitored by staff - then I would immediately be fired. I would be unable to be rehired anywhere in this city, which is the only city in this entire state that has this type of establishment. In addition, I’d leave problems for my collegues, since the customer who saw the interaction would assume touching is available and harass the other dancers to allow them. In sum, the best case scenario of allowing you to touch would be losing my job. The worst-case scenario would be losing my job, paying an expensive fine, and having the club shut down. So, you see, even if I were inclined to allow you, there’d be sufficient reason for me not to. However, I’m not inclined. Regardless of the amount of money, I am personally against the idea of being touched sexually for work. I love the notion of embracing one’s sensuality through an erotic dance, but allowing a stranger’s hands on my body repulses me. I’m a dancer; not a prostitute.
He agrees, pays for a dance, and we enter the lap dance room, surrounded by several other customers receiving lap dances. As he sits down, he slips me a $10. “This should do it,” he whispered, and reached for my nipple.
I thought having health insurance was supposed to be a good thing and not a HARROWING KAFKAESQUE NIGHTMARE.
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